Normally, come January  I’d be penning some sort of love letter to the year recently completed. Similar to something you’d find from tucked into a Christmas card from extended family. Though, this year is a little different. Where do I count the ways… and I feel 2020 doesn’t deserve a sweet sentiment. We’ve all been through it this year, in one way or another and I won’t exactly remember this time with abundant fondness.   

When I look back at New Years Eve 2020, it’s almost foreign. My house is full of neighbors, sharing salutations and hugs as the ball dropped. Laughter, happiness, children playing together as the calendar comes to an end and we’re excited about the impending new year ahead. At the time, I saw nothing but promise, contentment with our family, looking forward to travel plans. (Yes, a mother of three with multiple travel plans!) Now, I just think ‘what a dope’. 

2020 began as slow as any new year normally does. It’s cold here in Michigan, so we generally keep to ourselves, especially since we didn’t want to take the baby out. We shuffled through the usual illnesses brought home from school, socialized when we could and kept our near weekly date nights. (I’m a firm believer in never ceasing to date your spouse.) As winter thawed, our oldest nailed his first ever science fair. Our bags were waiting packed at home, while we watched him shatter banana after banana with dry ice in front of a packed gymnasium crowd. I went to sleep thinking a once in a lifetime concert in NYC was awaiting me but woke up to a series of texts from friends freaking out about school being closed. CLOSED!?

Then the world abruptly shut down. I was actually annoyed when Broadway went dark and literally grieved the cancelled flight as I begrudgingly unpacked my suitcase. But I picked the boys up from school, saying “we’ll see you in two weeks” to the teacher. Reflecting on that, I can’t believe we thought this would last two weeks… we’re now nearly 10 months in. 10 months! (And that teacher spent weeks reading to preschoolers over the internet and eventually had to say goodbye to us mid-July, outside, socially distanced, with a mask on)

A brief synopsis of life where we stand: We haven’t gone on a single trip (oh I can’t wait). School is virtual. Holidays have been cancelled. We still don’t go anywhere. Grocery stores are hit or miss with half filled shelves. Restaurants are putting tables in snow to make a dollar. Masks are the new required accessory. My kids now crave friends so badly it’s changing their personalities. It’s been a long ten months and honestly, I don’t see an end in sight. I do have hope but know it’s going to be a long winter.

Why am I sharing this? Well, partly because we are living history right now and partly because I want people to know they’re not alone. Dozens of people posted on NYE looking at the bright side of 2020, I did that for the month of November. Posted every single day about how the pandemic had positive influence, because it did. My husband got to see many more of the ‘baby’s first’ milestones this time around. My children will remember this time for the countless kitchen science experiments and nature hikes. But I will remember the year I spent in survival mode and the fear I woke up with one night wondering if I’ll ever ‘go back to normal’. 

Ultimately, I wish I could sit here and say that ‘2020 wasn’t so bad’. But it was, for all of us, no one was left unscathed. At the end of the day, just being here is an accomplishment so please don’t take that lightly. This year has made us all stronger too. As a parent of small people, a particular set of skills has been required –  balancing reality and creating fiction. As a result, our children not only benefit from adapting to the challenges personally but now are given the opportunity of stronger parents as a result. Don’t take that lightly either. It is a blessing that I very recently recognized.

Though, as my grandmother would say, this is a year ‘we’ll no forget’, I know some of us would rather not remember it. 

Raising my virtual glass to putting an end to 2020, closing the book and leaving it behind. Hopefully we’ll be doing the same for COVID soon. May 2021 truly be a year of healing and rebirth for all of us.